Here’s what I’m loving lately – full length, super comfy body-encapsulating outfits. There’s just something about the hiding effect of them – I don’t have to go anywhere, do anything, or be anyone when I wear it. At least, that’s how I think I’ll feel, because I don’t actually own any of these bad boys.

Take a look at these bad boys and tell me you don’t want to PUT ON ALL OF THEM AT ONCE AND BE THE HAPPIEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN!

The Original Norwegian Onesie
They have so many different kinds on this website that I want all of them and I will wear a different one every day and finally be satisfied with life. I’m especially jonesing after this red beauty though – I can just see myself in it, ya know? Plus, it looks wonderfully like the one Chuck Bass wore on Gossip Girl, and I’m more than a little in love with him.

The Share History Robe (Drake General Store)
This is like, a robe for a sexy grown-up woman. A woman’s robe. Nothing terry cloth, or flannel, or that weird velour fabric that all of His brothers wear like, all of the time (I made Him throw his out, THANK GOD), but just a mature, sexy-ass woman robe. I would wear this to work, I’d look so professional.

Snacks at work.

I feel very strongly about snacks at work, and have given this subject hours of thought. But for you, dear readers, I shall condense, and simply give you the Top Ten Reasons To Have Snacks At Work.

**Bonus! In honour of the holiday, you shall also receive Top Ten Snacks To Consume At Work. Lucky you!

Top Ten Reasons To Have Snacks At Work
1. They refuel you, both physically, and mentally
2. Great conversation starters!
3. If you keep your snacks in a separate area, or a fridge, the exercise to get there alone is totally worth it
4. Gives you something wonderful to look forward to
5. Can be very healthy, as in the case of my cherry flavoured Twizzlers shaped like hockey skates – cherry, of course, is a fruit
6. If you receive a rather heated email, just have a cookie and count to ten before responding
7. Some foods, like chips, make you thirsty, which can increase your water intake. And we all know you should try and get eight glasses of water per day
8. Breakfast is said to be the most important meal of the day. Second breakfast, therefore, must be twice as important
9. If you’re spouse or partner is planning a meal that you have no interest in, you can safely fill up on other foods so you won’t be hungry and have to eat their gross shiz
10. Eating makes me feel good

BONUS FEATURE!

Top Ten Snacks To Consume At Work
1. Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies, recently on sale at your local Shopper’s Drug Mart for only $1.99
2. Quaker Oats Chocolate Chip Granola Bars – often includes five bonus Air Miles if you purchase five boxes at Metro
3. Leftovers from a catered lunch the day before – the best part is that it’s free
4. Quaker Oats Peaches N’ Cream Oatmeal – it comes with a free tip of the day!
5. M&Ms. They taste great
6. Peanut Butter and Toast. Toast in itself offers all sorts of possibilities!
7. Triscuits. Mmm!
8. Almonds. Covered in chocolate
9. Trail mix. With M&Ms
10. Champgne

Anyway, I’m super hungry. I didn’t have breakfast this morning, because I usually eat breakfast when I get into work, but I didn’t go to work, I went to the dentist, man! And now my mouth is numb and I have to wait, because I have stew for lunch, and it will just dribble impressively out the side of my mouth like I’m that 80-year-old drug dealer in a wheelchair with a bell on Breaking Bad.

I recently watched the Seinfeld episode where Elaine has to fast for three days for an ultrasound. Three days! I can’t even comprehend that. I wouldn’t be able to sleep, or shower (I get real nauseous in the shower sometimes, that’s totally normal, right?), or do anything. I would just be way to hungry all the time.

The point of this blog being, can someone please bring my a pizza bun that I can respectably eat. Thanks.

Now, this is obviously going to be impossible, so I have to list some things that I most definitely will be buying that officially do not count (so don’t hassle me about them):

1. Food. I need food to live, and I’ve been looking everywhere for that bread dipper that I bought two bottles of last night, okay?!
2. Normal stuff I can’t get away from, ie: TTC pass, rent, phone bill, and so on and so on
3. Trips. Now, this might seem totally counteractive, but I just got married and I’m really tired and I 100% deserve a honeymoon. Plus, I planned on doing this in 2012, so it’s really just about committing.

Things I will not be allowed to spend money on:

1. Alcohol. We have about 39,000 bottles of white wine leftover from the wedding, as well as some vodka and tequila. And I work for a beer company, so really, there’s no excuse for me to buy alcohol
2. Clothes. There’s no getting around this one – this is where I spend my money, and yo, it is just not a good idea for me to go in any store right now (including online ones) because I have a bunch of stuff that I never even wear
3. Books. See above – too many books that I haven’t read yet sit at home. Therefore I shall not buy!

Now, this is in no way going to be easy, but considering I really do want to go on a vacation, and I just had a wedding that cost about a bajillion dollars, no spending shall be allowed!

(Gifts, however, are totally okay. Just FYI.)

I’m like: Yo! I just thought of a great invention! A laptop that is ALSO A PRINTER!

and then He says:

Shannon, people don’t need that, and it would be really heavy.

To be fair, I totally invented that about four years ago, before tablets were “all the rage.” So it would have definitely made sense and have been very practical, if not super practical.

Last night I was on the streetcar home and came up with the BEST idea. I will start a podcast! It will be great! And as usual, he was such a downer.

“But Shannon – what will it be about?”

“Well, dear husband (oh yeah, we got married), it will be about EVERYTHING, like cats vs. dogs, ghosts, the best sandwich I ever made, aliens, Keanu Reeves, and all kinds of great stuff. That’s what people want to hear. That’s what they need to hear.” (I even said it in an Italics kind of voice, so he would know that I totally meant business.

Anyway, the point of this post, is that as soon as I figure out how, I’m totally starting a podcast! And it won’t just be for four pods (is that what you call them?) either, it will be forever, and I will be rich and famous because of it, and I’ll never have to wear proper work clothes again. Hashtag – living the dream.

Unless He’s the one sending me the link, I’m pretty brutal at finding them on my own. I’d much rather (for some inane reason), sift through “Related To” videos that are not, in any way, related. Or if they are, they’re live versions, where I get shitty people screaming and clapping, instead of listening to the soulful sounds of the Avett Brothers.

With Spotify coming to Canada soon, I hope that this problem will be solved. I, for one, would love an account, as it will solve all my at-work musical problems.

As I got to the bottom of said tea, I was so excited to roll up the rim and see what I won!

Then I remembered. It’s July. The contest is over.

It was a sad day.