Movin’ On Up. Or At Least Downtown.

24 Jun

Ask anyone and they’ll all give you the same answer – moving sucks. It involves begging friends for help, asking the LCBO for boxes, giving up at least one weekend, and oh right, heavy lifting.

Recently I had to move – entirely unexpectedly. Our landlord decided he was selling our adorable little house (we rented the first floor and basement), and while we could stay for another few months, those few months would involve renovations, him entering at will, and people tramping through any time they pleased. Uh, yeah. We’ll move as soon as we can, thanks.

As soon as we found out, we checked our bank accounts and counted our pennies to see if we could afford to buy a house. We were pretty close – only a few hundred thousand dollars off! So, we decided to rent again.

Instead of taking the house route again, this time we decided to give in to our downtown devils-on-the-shoulders and do the condo thing. Right in the thick of things, complete with a pool, hot tub, laundry, and ahhhh, Loblaws at Maple Leaf Gardens right across the road.

Now – here’s my secret. I like moving. I like going through things I’ve forgotten about, I like selling things at garage sales, I like purging old clothes. I like unpacking and pretending everything is brand new, I like rearranging furniture, and I like having to buy things that we somehow overzealously threw out. It’s a huge turn on.

But while I love moving, I get that some people still think of it as the only thing in the world more painful than childbirth. That’s why I’ve assembled a few helpful tips below sure to assist you on any future move you make. I’m also available to assist in return for the going rate of beer per hour.

1. Forget spreading things out – books in half a box, topped off with sheets to make it lighter. The heavier you make a box, the more likely it is that someone stronger than you will offer to carry it!
2. Moving is prime time to throw out stuff you no longer want, like photos of your boyfriend’s ex, or those boxer shorts that you absolutely can’t stand of his. Convenient!
3. Single? Not for long! Asking hot friends to help you move is great – especially in the summer. With it being hot as Hell, all the heavy lifting will make everyone extremely sweaty. Oh, what’s that? It’s really late and the bed is the only thing left in your old apartment? Well, perhaps if you were just to spend the night for an early start the next morning…?
4. Booze! Yes, you will probably have to buy a case of beer for anyone who seriously lends a hand, but before the actual moving, it’s a wise move to consume everything in your house so that you have less to carry. Getting drunk is just sensible. It’s sensible, Mom!
5. You will build insane muscles. If you’re like me, and your boyfriend is working 15 hour days during the week you’re moving (convenient), you’ll have to do a lot of moving yourself. Now, thanks to that, I could only wear tank tops to work for two weeks because my muscles were too huge to fit into regular shirts.
6. Housewarming parties are the best parties. Any excuse to have people over to party is a good one, but a party where all your breakable stuff is already packed away, not because you don’t trust people not to steal your shiz, but because you just haven’t unpacked yet? Now that’s a great idea.
7. Discovering your new neighbourhood. You’ll need to find a new drugstore, grocery store, and local bar for sure. That’s obvious. But, moving is also a great time to go through your coupon drawer and find a coupon for $10 off food at a restaurant that wasn’t close to your old place and you’d never go to but now is only a block away.
8. Reward points, baby! Since you ate all your food, and drank all your booze, you’ll have to stock up at your new grocery store. While this will be super expensive and you’ll vow never to move again, you will require an amazing amount of reward points, be them Air Miles, Optimum Points, or Scene Visa points – so many that you’ll see free movies every day of your life from now until movies no longer exist.

There you have it my friends – eight wonderful tips and helpful thoughts about moving! I didn’t make it ten because I still have to unpack from my own move. Instead, how about you tell me other helpful tips? Or at least, you know, come help me unpack or something…


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